I don't even know.
Lot's Of Things Happening
o, this week has been pretty busy, hence why I haven't posted anything much. Pat, the firefighter I talked about in my first post stopped back in last Friday, we discussed the merits of living in small towns, college and following your dreams for work. He really is a good guy, genuinley in a good mood each time I see him.
I paid for a guy's cab ride because he was stranded fter leaving the hospital, met and flirted (a lot) with a girl, got her phone number...I really should text her at some point. Uh, got paid, bought some clothes that I needed, had the car run out of gas magically across the street from a gas station so that was lucky. Sent money to someone because they had their bank screw them over, which I know how that feels.
I also realized I like anonymously helping people in some way or other. Not because it makes me feel like a good person or anything, because I'm not, but because it feels like I'm starting to pay back all the people who've helped me over the years. There's one in particular I need to actually pay back, but there's been so many to help me out and I have no way of even knowing how to contact a lot of them anymore, so I'll do what I can, small things, to help other people out.
Had three customers tell me I should be in radio or voice acting...in one day. The few followers I have on tumblr agre that I should so I guess that's a thing I'm going to start dabbling in? A friend and I are working on doing some dubs f a comic just for the hell of it, so we'll see what happens.
Oh, almost finished with the next page of Dead, been in an art slump of maddening hell as of late but I've at least been sketching again. Now that I dont' have any major releases (that I'm covering at least) for the next month or so I should be good. I'd better build a buffer for November though. Uh, well, this has been another rambling post about nothing important.
Just Over A Month
Well hello there. It's been a month, thought I should update this. I should be in bed right now, honestly, so I don't know why I'm not saving this for later, but fuck it, y'know?
So it's been an alright month. I've been steadily working on Hunted, got a bit more done on Dead, got some stuff done for podcast stuff, just replaced the shit modem so we can stream and I started working on a TWINE game. I've also met some really rad people, and got in touch again with some old friends, so all in all this has been a pretty nice month.
So in terms of actual work and stuff, been cranking out videos over on ReV's, currently playing Banner Saga and Deer God. Banner Saga is...interesting. It's gorgeously animated, the soundwork is subtle and really well done and the story is really engrossing so far, but it's very very slow paced. It's meant to be a true saga, and I can respect that. It's also fucking stressful and fuck, so that's a thing.
The Deer God is also interesting; mostly in that it's very beautiful and I still feel like I don't know a damn thing about what I'm doing in that game. You pretty much just run right and do simple tasks for people, all while trying not to die. I dunno, we'll see how it goes.
As for Dead work, I streamed drawing for a while a few days ago, getting work on the next page done.
Vann and I have also been working on doing some redesigns to characters because, well, when I made them I knew pretty much nothing about framing, patterns and basic design.
So Clem's look is going through a bit of an overhaul right now, and we'll eventually go through everyone.
I think I mentioned it before, but I started another podcast just about gaming news called The Backlog which I'm trying to get better about recording regularly.
Another part of Hunted went up recently as well and I tried to go for a little bit more of a radio play vibe for it? I don't know, I'll keep refining it.
There's a ton of stuff that I, Vann, Eli and Max have been doing lately and we're doing our best to get more done. Percentages will hopefully be back regularly once school settles for Max and we're going to try to do weekly livestreams starting this or next week. (Art/podcasts first and games starting in May). Dead is still on a it'll-be-posted-when-it's-posted thing because of the amount of time it takes and how much Max has to get done with school. Hunted will continue to attempt to post more than once every three months, and hopefully I'll have an update about that TWINE game soon. Uh, that's about all for now. I should have been to sleep a while back so I'm gonna do that. G'night, everyone.
I Dig A Hole You Build A Wall (Another Uncomfortably Personal Post By Gabby)
So last time I posted something I talked about what I dream SSP will be some day, and some of my biggest influences. Today I'm gonna talk about the challenges of being 'me' and the things holding me back from making that dream a reality.
Well, the first thing you'll notice is the massive gap between these posts. It's been since February 6th that I posted that and I'm just now writing this. My main problem really is consistency. It stems from a lot of things; video game addiction (I can remember to do my dailies in Guild Wars 2 every day but not to draw or write), depression, anxiety, lack of talent, lack of motivation and good ole fashioned laziness. There's a lot of things working against me and I'm bad at fighting through them.
The video game addiction is probably the biggest offender, and it stems from a lot of things. I'm depressed so I look for an escape. Games are the best escape for me personally. I enjoy everything about them from the art to sound design to animations to everything else. I play lot's of games and I also pick at all the details I love (and hate) about them. Guild Wars has captured me lately, consuming a LOT of my time in the last couple weeks while I've been sick.
Before it was Warframe, before that Loadout, before that TF2, Skyrim, New Vegas, Fallout 3 and dozens of other games. I get lost in those worlds because I don't want to deal with the real world, which in turn makes the real world worse because I'm not improving any of the things I don't like.
The lack of motivation is fed from that as well. I don't see myself as improving so I don't try to, feeding into my lack of talent. I'll be the first to say I'm not a great artist in any way, it's been months since I've drawn anything and I doubt I've magically gotten better.
The anxiety is really the root of all of it though. I stress that I'm not good enough, that people will hate the things I make, that I'll fail, that I'll disappoint people I care about, that I'll do something or other to fuck something up somewhere and it stays my hand. I stress and my way to get away from that stress is video games, starting the loop all over.
To top it all off I'm just lazy. I don't want to spend the energy doing something else because I just don't feel like it. It's stupid, and in turn makes me more depressed and anxious (and it's probably not helped by the depression, let's be honest) so it's really just this dumb catch twenty-two of things repeating in cycles.
Now that that's out of me I feel a bit better, and a bit more human. I don't know why sharing my innermost thoughts and demons with the void of the internet helps, but I guess it's a pretty good replacement for a therapist or whatever. Anyway, back to trying to get myself to make things. Hopefully more Sky will be up soon as I can speak without coughing again.